ADF and Gender

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This article was marked as a work-in-progress on May 3, 2016  and may be incomplete or untidy.

The amount of stress in his life led ADF to bring forward the Sakura cosplay to January 2010. He explained his reasons on 28th November:

Just because, I need the escape of being the opposite gender -- Its more than cosplay to me as this point - Pretty much since High School -- I have desired to know what would look like/feel like as a female.[1]

He mentioned his transgender feelings for the first time shortly after this:

Did You Know I Am Also Adrogynous Too That Means I Identify with both Male and Female genders, so I am transgendered and did you know I am crossplaying Sakura Haruno next month[2]

Ahuviya Harel made her first appearance on 21st December, described by ADF as "a Female Persona I answer to (which I will be creating into an OC of my female self soon)"[3]

Ahuviya Harel was introduced and explained in detail on the 13th January. His explanation for the name, in full:

Recently, I decided no longer to Display my Gender on DA Profile -- I no longer wish to be pigeon-holed into being either Male or Female

That's Right, I am Transgendered.For some of you, I already told you that I am gay, but I also Transgendered/Androgyne

Why Ahuviya?

Ahuviya is Gender-neutral, it can be either Male or Female, given the fluidity on my Gender Identity, it's perfect for me.

What Nationality is Ahuviya Harel? It sounds very pretty

Its Hebrew That's Right, as in ISRAEL! Ahuviya means Loved by God

Harel (My Surname) means Mountain of God

Therefore I am a Loved Mountian of God

I picked Ahuviya because I do not have to suffix-around With Felipe/Felicia anymore, And I do not want treated like

Israeli? Ah Ha, That's Why You are so Stubborn, You Sasuke-teme!--

Hn, Jews, just like the Uchiha, are stubborn people...BUT...Gotta give Credit for Israel existing for over 60 years, in a neighborhood that pretty much hates Israel's guts, the Middle East

Are You Jewish?

Should That Matter to You? Whether or Not I am Christian, Jewish, or Agnostic/Atheist?Actually, to be honest, I might consider Judaism, I hope to find a Synagogue accepting of LGBT People someday

Do You Speak Hebrew

I speak a couple basic words, and know the Hebrew Alphabet, I will be learning Hebrew this Year as one of my New Year's Resolutions, Along with getting that Long List of Cosplay Stuff done, spending more time with [John] (My Dobe) , taking up Marital Arts Lessons (Like Aikido or Krav Maga) , Upgrading to Aggressive Inline Skates, and sticking to my Vegetarian/Borderline Vegan Diet, and keeping fit all around

Oh Yeah, and finishing up Forgotten Lillies (If I had time for everything, Goddammit!)

Uh, Ahuviya, W-What-What About the Other Names You Make Us Call You by?

I Still Answer to the Following Name (In Case my Hebrew Name too over your head)Sasuke Uchiha (Because You Can't Resist that Emo Bastard)Sakura Haruno -- Trust me, it'll stick awhile after I unveil my Sakura Cosplay...

What About Akihito/Aki , Felipe, and Felicia? Since Akihito/Aki and Felicia/Felipe was already used up by my characters -- I decided to steer away from Christian and Japanese Names (With the exception of Sasuke)[4]

Real life was unfortunately beginning to catch up with him, however. By the end of January he was, by his own admission, $1,600 in debt, and "almost 4 Months behind on my Board payments and other expenses." He despaired of paying off these debts on the $8.50/hour he was receiving at Wawa (working between 25-25 hours per week), and planned to quit that job to find a better-paying one elsewhere.[5]

On a lighter note, the Sakura cosplay arrived soon after. He wore this cosplay very frequently and rather forgot about his Sasuke outfit. The month was closed out by John's birthday, and ADF took the opportunity to clarify the nature of their relationship:

I know we have been only together for 6 months now, but He really means a lot to me and He has done a World of Good to empower me too.I love John a lotNotice, I did not say 'Naruto' or 'Dobe' . I want you guys to know him by his real name, not the SasuNaru/NaruSasu Pet Names we call each other.I recently requested off for Valentine's Day Weekend, I want to use that opportunity to really get to know him more and John to get to know Me more...He really respects me a lot, and So I do with himHe is the first serious relationship I've had, where I am treated as an equal, and dually respectedI want John and I to be togetherI really see us living together as a couple in hia apartment someday, -- it may be next year, I don't know -- and we do each other's part to keep up the apartment, cook, and overall have fun.Hell, Someday...We might get married. He can be the 'Husband. and I can be the 'Wife' .You can imagine, If I looked beautiful as Sakura Haruno, How beautiful I would look in a wedding dress.So Wish John (my Naruto) a Happy Birthday.[6]

ADF formally came out as transgender on 20th February, and immediately looked towards beginning hormone treatment as soon as possible. He began treating Ahuviya Harel as his "real" name at this point, replacing Felipe.[7]} As to how this might affect his relationship with John, he commented:

I told him about it not too long ago. I hope He does remain by my side through this time and beyond. I love him, and He respects me a lot. I am very sure He will support me, even if I decide to go through with a sex reassignment operation."[8]
Error creating thumbnail: File missing
The specific picture he showed her.

As for his mother:

I am not officially out about being transgendered to my Mother. However, its not like I am trying to hide it at all. Right now, I am cosplaying Sakura Haruno around the house, lipstick, makeup, and all. As an icebreaker, I last night, did give a picture of myself dressed up as Sakura to her. I do not see any real opposition to me cosplaying Sakura in front of her form her reaction to that photograph.[9]

He came out to his mother a couple weeks later, and she apparently took it well:

My Mom is Thrilled to have a Daughter, Who is Still Her Son, and Has Pink Hair.[10]

In July he briefly wondered if he was, in fact, intersex.[11] He entertained the idea for a couple of months but eventually dismissed it. His first appointment with a doctor regarding his planned sex change was scheduled for sometime in early July, but the doctor was forced to cancel it due to a family emergency. It was re-scheduled for 4th August but the delay plunged ADF into despair and he expressed a desire to "start looking on the streets for Extra-Legal/Illegal Grey or Black Market Estrogen and Spironolactone."[12] He of course did not follow through with this. He commented later that day:


The Hormones are essential to the legitimacy of my existence as a woman

Simple as that

Wars have been fought over access to resources

Estrogen is a resource I need access to continue living


Later that same day(!), presumably still aggrieved by whoever suggested he was a fake transsexual, he posted a long chronology of his life where he highlighted all the events which he felt suggested that he had always been transgender. {Drop-down box for this}


1985 - PRESENT

By Ahuviya R. Harel

1985-1996 - Pre-Puberty Development and Early Issues

12 August 1985 - Birth of Ahuviya Harel, then born as Felipe V. Delicias at Underwood Memorial Hospital, Woodbury, New Jersey. Gender Marker was assigned Male despite being born as an XXY Chromosonally Intersex Male

Ca. July - October 1987 - First Attempts at Toliet-Training Fail as my Father tries to force me to stand up and urinate -- First disgust and disdain complaints over my Male genitals are aired and subsequently ignored by both parents. This further hinders further Toilet-Training efforts until Spring 1989

Ca. January 1988 - February 1991 - Escalating Domestic Violence between my Mother and Father. Escalating violence by my Father causes me to be in counseling and to desire to be closer to my Mother. First complaints of being Male occur as a result of the violence and physical abuse by my father

April 1988 - Received inaccurate diagonsis of Autism Spectrum Disorder known as Asperger Syndrome (which was not officially recognized as a Mental Disorder until the publication of the DSM-IV-TR in 1994 and will be depreciated under Autism upon the publication of the DSM-V in 2012) I also receive the more 'accurate and No Shit Sherlock' dianogsis of "Emotional Disturbance"

September 1988 - June 1991 - Attented Preschool at Woodbury Heights Grammar School, Woodbury Heights - I was placed in Special Education Classes. I was described as having no interest in peers during Lunch and Recess

Ca. 1989-1990 - Repeated incidents of using the Girls Room in Preschool and Refusing to use the boys room in Preschool

September 1991 - March 1992 - Attended Parkview Elementary School, Westville, New Jersey. I was expelled due to repeated fighting and trashing of the classroom. I finished Kindergarten with a Home Tutor by June 1992. The violence was a reflection of the physical abuse I suffered from my Father

September 1992 - August 2000 - Attended Durand Academy for my Primary Education

25 November 1992 - Disney's Aladdin in released, spawning my first cosplay as Jafar in 1993, also the first ideations on being female asre expressed when wanting to be Princess Jasmine

25 December 1992 - Received my first Bicycle - I refused to ride the bike due to the seat causing pain to my male genitalia and prostate. I have not rode a Bicycle since then.

Summer 1993 - Visitations with my Father are started. Attempts to Learn Baseball and Basketball end in repeated failures. However I excel in Roller Skating and Hockey when given the oppurtunity to play and to such sports.

Ca. Fall 1993 - First interests in cartography (Map-making) occur, a unisex interest that persists to the persent day.

12 August 1994 - Recieved Kitty-Kitty Kittens as my first 'girls toy' for my 9th Birthday

September 1994 - April 1995 - Attended CCD Classes at St. Matthew's School, National Park NJ

Summer and Fall 1995 - I experience the first sustained series of ideations of being female in my dreams

August 1996 - Received Dollhouse for my 11th Birthday - Another Girl toy since Kitty Kitty Kittens from 1994

A Chronology of my Gender Identity IssuesPart 1 - 1985-1996

Just to prove that I am not faking this Transgender stuff

It is real for me

Shortly after this he began getting into slap-fights with other transgender DeviantArt users he felt were too supportive of the gender binary.[14]

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ADF triumphantly displays his first hormones

The doctor's appointment mentioned above finally rolled around, and ADF was given the all-clear to start on hormones at the end of August. It should be noted that ADF later described this doctor as being part of "a LGBT clinic which runs on a Informed Consent Model with Hormones - I totally bypassed the WPATH Standards of Care Requirements this way."[15] He made enquiries into several possible new jobs, without success.[16]

On 30th August he flatly declared, "I AM SAKURA HARUNO."[17]

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A more serious picture.

ADF got the idea of wanting to come out to his father as transgender. This would obviously be tricky: his father lives in New Jersey and at the time ADF raised the issue they had not spoken for, by his reckoning, nine years. Furthermore, he was anxious about seeing him again after the "Physical and Sexual abuse" he had allegedly inflicted on him.[18] On the 23rd October he claimed that he traveled to New Jersey to meet his father, and that his father was accepting of him, despite ADF having arrived to the rendezvous in his China costume(!).[19] Buoyed by this success, ADF decided that it was time to have a rapprochement and to build a new relationship with him.[20]


  1. DeviantArt Journal, 28/11/09
  2. DeviantArt Journal, 10/12/09
  3. DeviantArt Journal, 21/12/09
  4. DeviantArt Journal, 13/01/10
  5. DeviantArt Journal, 24/01/10
  6. DeviantArt Journal, 30/01/10
  7. DeviantArt Journal, 22/02/10
  8. DeviantArt Journal, 22/02/10
  9. DeviantArt Journal, 25/02/10
  10. DeviantArt Journal, 02/03/10
  11. DeviantArt Journal, 01/07/10
  12. DeviantArt Journal, 07/07/10
  13. DeviantArt Journal, 07/07/10
  14. DeviantArt Journal, 12/07/10
  15. Picture D1, undated, c. Feb 2011
  16. DeviantArt Journal, 12/08/10
  17. DeviantArt Journal, 30/09/10
  18. DeviantArt Journal, 21/09/10
  19. Picture D3
  20. DeviantArt Journal, 24/10/10