DarksydePhil

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Phil Burnell
DSP CowboyHat.png
Residence Seattle, Washington
Occupation Let's Play Streamer, contracted by Machinima.
Web Presences
DSPGaming
KO Gaming

DarksydePhil (Real Name: Phil Burnell) also known as DSP, DSPGaming or KOGaming, is a YouTube Let's Play streamer who became infamous as one of the worst representations of the Let's Play community. His career as a lolcow is propelled thanks to his colossal ego and complete inability to improve or handle criticism. Phil spends the majority of his prestreams, a 30 minute segment before each day's streaming, complaining about his quality of life and his income. His video format and streaming style has not changed in half a decade, and even when he outlines the exact problems in his streams and how they compare to more successful streamers, he refuses to adapt in any way. His life and living expenses are additionally burdened by PandaLee, who is by most accounts a gold-digger that alienates even his hard core fans.

He has produced videos on YouTube since 2008, where he accumulated a large fanbase for what was (at the time) a unique format. Phil's career as a streamer would not sour him into a person of interest until 2013, when a former fan named "EvilAJ" exposed his low quality gameplay to the world by uploading a 1 hour fail montage titled: "This is How You Don't Play".[1] The video went viral, which led to many people creating their own montages, advertising Phil's failures as a gamer for the entire Internet to see.


The Beginning

Phil in his early years.

Before trying his luck on YouTube, Phil was a fightning game pro player in the FGC Community. He frequently visited forums such as Shoryuken.com and took part in many tournaments around the state.

At this point in life, he was quite obscure to the internet, but he had already made a bunch of enemies. He quickly became infamous among the FGC community for starting up fights, taunting other players and backing out when things got serious. He was also derided for being a sore loser and just a bad sport in general.

Despite the many tournaments he took part in, he never won one.

It was only in 2005 that he managed to get 4th place on a Tournament. Phil of course displayed his ego by bragging about this nonstop, even though the whole reason he got to fourth place was because most players forfeited the tournament since it was using a bad Playstation port of Super Street Fighter II Turbo, a port which only Phil practiced on and was so different to the arcade version that it was basically a completely different game.

The FGC Community laughed at his "accomplishment", and Phil, in retaliation, called himself the "Best American Super Turbo Player" (since the 1st, 2nd and 3rd places had Japanese players) and started going on by the moniker "The King of Hate" because he genuinely believed he was being hated on for no reason, so he used the hate as fuel for his internet career.

Even today, Phil keeps remarking about this event of his life, using it as an example that he can be a good player when he wants to.

Start of YouTube Career

In 2008, Phil started his Let's Play career on YouTube.

His channel featured extremely low quality videos, even for 2008 standards. He pointed a camera at his TV Screen, instead of using a more ideal recording method like direct capture or a camcorder.

Phil quickly got a small following on YouTube, even when his videos were terrible. The reason for this success is because he exploited a quirk in the YouTube Search Engine. Back in 2008, to make it to the top of the search rankings, you just needed a lot of views and likes on your channel. So Phil had a great idea, by uploading about thirty low quality videos per day, with no editing and cutting them down in 5 minute parts, he ensured that his videos would appear all over the search rankings on YouTube, because the more videos, the more chances that someone would stumble upon his stuff.

His videos had a huge success and to capitalize on this, he made an account on Google AdSense, which meant he got paid for every ad displayed on one of his videos.

He quickly ruined this because of his greed, however. One of the rules of Google AdSense (and any type of partnership on YouTube, really) is that you can't tell people to click on your ads on purpose. So Phil did exactly that, by making a bunch of videos telling his subscribers to spam clicks on his ads.

After being justly banned from AdSense, Phil for the first time displayed his Lolcow qualities to his fans, by making a fuss about it and blaming Google.

He would also rant about Copyright Strikes, since anyone could flag a video for copyright infringement stating that the user is illegally using their content. If you had three copyright claims against you, your channel was shut down, no questions asked. Some games would be monitored closely upon release so that the game is flagged right away by the company if they see it. Phil's solution? Either make a parody title that search engines wouldn't find, such as Dicks with Guns for L.A. Noire, make an entirely new channel for that game so that the new channel gets shut down instead of his, or both.

To avoid copyright claims Phil had to resort to using Blip.TV as a secondary video hosting service, which worked very well for him, until he decided that making jokes about being the last nazi in space killing jews and catholics was a good idea. Phil, of course, still blames Blip.TV and Trolls for his ban to this day.

Downfall

A DSP video in a nutshell.

Things took a turn for the worse once a former fan of his was blocked on Phil's Channel for saying that Pandalee (Phil's girlfriend) was the cause of Darksydephil's downward spiral in views in 2012, and not even a year later was fed up with Phil when he said that his fans gave positive feedback on his Metal Gear Solid 2 playthrough. He decided to make a video proving that was false by creating "This Is How You Don't Play Metal Gear Solid 2". His motivation was to show Phil the comments left by his own fans during his playthrough.

Over night, Phil became a Lolcow. The video went viral, reaching one million views in a short time. People on YouTube started looking up at other DSP Playthroughs, finding them just as bad as the MGS ones. Suddenly, "This is How You Don't Play" became a meme. To this day, there are over 300+ TIHYDP Montages.

The This is How You Don't Play series shows off what a typical Phil playthrough is like. Terrible gameplay, horrific commentary, racism, sexism, obnoxious burping, blaming the game for his failures, blaming Kojima for his failures if Hideo Kojima was involved in the game's production, complaining about a lack of checkpoints whenever he dies, saying he loved the game at the credits when he clearly didn't to try and avoid hateful comments, and sometimes he'll even rage quit the game. At the end of the playthrough, if it is a new release, he will do a review video called "The Hateful Truth", where he gives you maximum bullshit and minimum truth. To put it bluntly, he'll try to look at it from the perspective of a common gamer (which Phil is clearly not) and sometimes dock the game points because he sucked and assumes that other people will suck at it too. Despite this, Phil's scores will always be either one or two points off or the exact same score as other mainstream reviewers.

After the creation of his Metal Gear Solid 3 playthrough, Phil attempted to cash-in on This Is How You Don't Play by doing a playthrough of Metal Gear Solid 1. The entire playthrough was riddled with Kojima World Order jokes and singing the NWO theme from professional wrestling. This marked the beginning of the Kojima World Order, a group of people dedicated to exposing Phil as the terrible human being he is and offering constructive criticsm on how to improve while also explaining why nobody likes Phil. Considering Phil's ego, the latter is a lost cause.

People also started to see through the web of lies and deceit that Phil employs daily to make views and avoid any fault, which prompted the birth of the "DSP Tries It" (named after Phil's very own food VLOGs) series, which highlights Phil's hypocrisy and constant self-contradictions as he struggles to damage control his mistakes.

PandaLee

Pandalee in all of her beauty.

Pandalee is a gold digger who Phil met through an online gaming session. She's a diehard fan of The Sims and rather than help Phil such as doing anything around the house, or assisting Phil with the non-gaming stuff for his channel, she sits in her "office" and plays The Sims all day long. One could be forgiven for assuming that she originally tried to use Phil to gain popularity for her own gaming channel, which did actually receive a Machinima partnership. However, it was clear that she's just your standard gold digger who will leave Phil as soon as he can no longer support her. Until then, she remains Phil's "full-time girlfriend."

The first thing anyone will notice is how young Pandalee is compared to Phil. Pandalee is jokingly referred to as Phil's daughter thanks to a troll who dissed Phil in Destiny online. When she was first introduced, people called into question the age of Pandalee and whether or not Phil was a pedophile. Phil and Pandalee have a strange father daughter like relationship. No affection is ever shown between the two despite being in a romantic relationship and the pair often spends their time together at places that you would often see a parent taking their child such as a zoo.

Another thing you may notice right off the bat is how she has a tendency to ruin any video that Phil makes just by being there. If you thought Phil's let's plays were bad, then his content that has Pandalee in it is even worse. Pandalee has a habit of never shutting up, whining, making all sorts of annoying noises, and downright arguing with Phil sometimes. Fans demanded that either she goes or they go when Pandalee co-commentated in Phil's Assassin's Creed III playthrough. Phil's response? "You're a fucking idiot." The Assassin's Creed III incident was caused because of Hurricane Sandy trapping Pandalee in Phil's condo and Phil absolutely needing to play the game as soon as it came out for the money instead of doing the sensible thing and delaying the playthrough. This Is How You DON'T Do Co-Op Commentary is just a small taste of what a typical playthrough featuring Pandalee is like.

Finally, the last thing you may notice when the two are together is that Pandalee has Phil completely pussywhipped. It's not at all surprising considering how in many of Phil's playthroughs, he reacts to women like a 13-year old seeing breasts for the first time. Respond to her blatant trolling in Phil's stream? Phil turns the chat to sub-only mode and says the viewers are in the wrong. No matter what Pandalee says or does, Phil will always be there to defend her and cater to her every whim. Little does Phil know that as soon as his let's play money is gone, Pandalee will be ditching him and Phil will entirely be left on his own.

Panda also isn't very subtle about her gold-digging, since she constantly flirts with other YouTubers on Twitter, big names like LordVash and ReviewTechUSA. Getting ready to dump and replace Phil? Only time will tell.

PandaLee and Responsabilities

Pandalee always belittled people that go to college, by making a lot of VLOGs on her channel explaining how she thinks studying is for dunces. She stopped her studies after high school, opting instead to look for a man that would carry her in life.

Now, this wouldn't be anything special, since a lot of women decide to stay at home, while the man goes to fetch the bread. What makes this truly noteworthy is her toxic attitude regarding work in general.

First of all, most women that don't go to work at least try to be of some help by tending to the house and cooking. Panda instead sits on her ass all day, playing The Sims or other games, while tweeting stupid shit.

Her attitude to work is so negative that most of Phil's fans identified her as a gold digger almost instantly, which probably was not helped by Phil, who introduced her to his fans like she was a doll. She will constantly play the victim, bitch and moan, even pretend to be a rape victim if it will help her avoid any responsability.

Not only she doesn't help Phil around the household, she actually HURTS HIM. It was because of her that he bought an expensive house in a gated community in Washington. All because she wanted to pay less taxes on her soap business on Etsy, which makes pocket change. She constantly trolls Phil's fans, alienating the very same people that PAY FOR THEIR MORTGAGE. Phil also lost his old Twitch account because of her. It's safe to say that Phil only keeps her around for sex.

In 2015, shockingly enough, Pandalee got a job. This was a big change in the Burnell household, and Panda gained a lot of sympathy among detractors that day. Unfortunately though, her attitude hasn't improved at all. She now whines about how hard her job is almost every day, and constantly threatens her superiors on Twitter. Which could seriously get her fired, and it's just a matter of time before it happens.

JohnRambo and Howard

Pictured: DSP, John and Howard.

JohnRambo (also known as SuperJohnRambo) and Howard were Phil's best friends since the FGC days. John, in particular, starred in a lot of collabs with DSP on his channel. They were truly good friends, and always tried to respect Phil. However, it was clear that their friendship was an abusive one. Phil would call them only when he had something to gain, like a collab for views, or to work on projects.

John and Howard seemed to have broken ties with him after Phil decided to leave Connecticut and go live with his girlfriend in Seattle, Washington. But Phil, being the good friend he is, kept pestering them with messages, usually to work on more collabs. Phil also decided it would be a good idea to monetize the death of their common friend in a clickbait VLOG. This, along with him reading John's private messages on video, was the final straw of the friendship.

One day, Phil said in a VLOG that he had no idea why John and Howard parted ways from him, and challenged John and Howard to reach out to him. John and Howard, at their breaking point, finally decided to expose to the internet the reasons that brought the friendship's end with a 2 hour audiolog.

John Rambo revealed that Phil didn't pay his friends for their work on their projects, pocketing the money himself and using it to buy luxury items like a BMW.

Phil clearly didn't want anyone to hear this, since he took the audiolog down. John responded by reuploading it on a file sharing site. This audiolog was one of the turning points of Phil's downfall, opening the eyes of many people.

KGhaleon

KGhaleon stalking his master.

KGhaleon is Phil's biggest white knight and fan. Although Phil has a fair amount of people who do defend him, KGhaleon in particular is known for going the distance by doxxing people and getting innocent moderators banned.

KGhaleon mainly lurks twitter and Phil's stream. This is a man who takes things way too far with people who offer constructive criticism towards Phil, to the point where he's just as delusional as Phil himself. He first became known when he posted the IP address of one person, everyone had called him out on it of course but this would not be the last time he doxxed someone. It had gotten to the point where Phil himself had told an anonymous someone, which was clearly him, to knock it off. Wanting to do anything to be Phil's right-hand man however, he would later call out one of Phil's own moderators, Jewbacca, as a Kojima World Order member. Phil of course, believed him and banned the guy despite being completely innocent. The Kojima World Order had gained a new member that day.

It wasn't over however, Phil would later grow paranoid about getting SWATed. SWATing is when someone calls the police and falsely accuses someone, usually a streamer, of an offense serious enough to warrant them sending the SWAT team to the guy's house. This is usually done so that the caller can see someone on stream surrendering to the cops. SWATing is a felony, do not ever do this. Despite living in a gated community however, Phil was still living in fear and that's when KGhaleon came to the rescue. KGhaleon, being a known doxxer, had gotten hold of someone's information when the victim was simply discussing SWATing with no intention of doing it. After giving the information to Phil and accusing the innocent person of conspiring to SWAT him, Phil personally threatened to doxx the victim himself as a statement.

KGhaleon also got ripped off by Phil a bunch of times, yet he still goes back to defend him everytime.

Adventures on Twitch.TV

Phil's Twitch account was made so that Phil could stream his gameplay to his limited fanbase. While that sounds good that a let's player is streaming so that fans can see the gameplay live, the channel itself was basically a concentration camp. First and foremost, if you said anything other than praise for Phil or instructions on how to get past something anyone could figure out in five seconds, you were banned. Period. Phil had ran his channel like North Korea. Is Pandalee on? Have fun sitting through her trolling with absolutely nothing you can do about it. Running Adblock like you should? If you mention it at all, you are permanently banned because Phil honestly believes that anyone who uses Adblock is stealing from him.

Maybe you weren't interested in chatting or giving Phil instructions and that's fine, the stream is about the game, right? Phil's streams would start with a pre-stream that could go on for thirty minutes to an hour and it is basically him ranting about little things and whining about trolls and even going as far as blaming his own fans for his lack of views. It's also the perfect time for Phil to beg his viewers for money. What he does not understand is that this is where a lot of his lolcow content comes from. Most of the Phil reveal videos you will see come from his pre-streams. After he finally gets off of his soapbox and plays the game, you're treated to a bitrate that is far too high by Twitch standards and for what American internet can handle. There are of course, constant breaks that Phil takes so you're treated to ads unless you use Adblock on Phil's channel.

As expected, you could pay money to subscribe to Phil's channel but there was absolutely no reason to ever do so. To put it bluntly, this was what you got for doing so: the ability to help Phil with something requiring his brain when Pandalee comes in and causes Phil to put the chat in subscriber-only mode, emotes, priority on game box giveaways that have no game inside, and access to Phil's previous streams. Believe it or not, some people actually did this and one person in particular would pay to cover other people's subscriptions.

As was previously mentioned, the high bitrate caused an admin to come into the chat one day and respectfully ask Phil to lower the bitrate to the twitch standards. Rather than comply, Phil complained that it would make his stream look bad and later threw a hissy fit, claiming that the mod threatened to ban him from Twitch. Due to this, Phil had moved on to streaming on Youtube in which he can stream in whatever quality he wants and all views count towards his Machinima contract. Today, Phil's twitch channel no longer exists due to Pandalee getting into an argument on the channel and shutting it down herself.

Betrayal of the Moderators

Later on, the Moderators of his forum would decide to leave Phil for good, since they were sick of being mistreated and insulted by him. Phil had (and still has today) the habit to lock every thread with any semblance of criticism/advice, and then get pissed off at his moderators for not doing their job, even though they were all fans of his that did this for FREE!

The turning point was when Phil broke the promise he made to them, being that he would not lock threads without consulting the moderators first.

Phil, like usual, blamed the moderators for his breaking of the promise, which prompted them to finally retaliate by hacking the forums, posting porn all over the place, and by changing Phil's username to "The King of Locks", a fitting name indeed.

Today, Phil has got a new forum with new moderators, but it's only a matter of time before history repeats itself.

Swatting

When Phil moved from Connecticut to Washington, he monetized his move by making a bunch of VLOGs about his new house. This milking of the cow would prove to be very costly to him, however, as Trolls would use these videos to pinpoint the exact location of his new home.

His dox inevitably got leaked on YouTube and 4chan, which resulted in him getting swatted during a Batman: Arkham Knight stream in the Summer of 2014. Fortunately for him, no one got harmed and the whole thing was over in a matter of minutes.

Phil would even laugh histerically on stream, saying he had already predicted this and went ahead and notified the police about it before it had even happened. So he basically laughed at the Trolls expense, saying he was never in any danger.

Phil would later contradict himself and say that he risked his life and almost got shot down, which proved once again to everybody that Phil will gladly lie his ass out if it means he'll get to make a clickbait VLOG for juicy views.

Patreon and Project 7

Rest in Peace.

Today, Phil is a sinking ship. His YouTube Channel is failing, with an extremely low view per sub ratio. He has no friends left, and no one takes him seriously, barring the possibilities of any worthwhile collab happening to boost views.

The only way DSP's channel is surviving today is thanks to Patreon. To get people to pledge to him, he decided to trick them by promising a reboot of Project 7, an old web series he had made with John Rambo and Howard. Phil kept telling his fans he would work on Project 7, only to back down from his obligations every month.

He also got people to pledge to him by saying he needed to buy a new camera, but after getting his money, he scrapped the Project 7 reboot and pocketed the money for himself. The Project 7 reboot is on indefinite hold, which makes it obvious it will never happen. From Lolcow to Conartist.

His Patreon is, quite simply, a fraud. He demands a buttload of money each month to do things that every other YouTuber does for FREE. He hides playthroughs behind paywalls, and uses the money not to improve his channel, but to fuel his lavish lifestyle and eat fast food, which by the way, got him Gout!

Fortunately for him, he still has a cult of whiteknights that follow him, think he's flawless and pledge to his Patreon, paying his bills for him.

We can safely say that Phil will never change. It took him years to change from camera to direct capture, he simply does not understand how criticism works, and has paranoia and delusion issues. His channel is a ticking time bomb, it's only a matter of time before it dies. All we can do is wait and see.

DickStrokePhil

On May 1, 2016, during one of his prestreams, Phil appeared to be masturbating, with his face being visible via facecam. With how infamous he is already, the prestream was quickly recorded, with people creating many parody videos and images.

At first, Phil reacted as he always did, banning anyone in the chat for bringing it up and calling people idiots for thinking he was jerking off. He then claimed that he was simply scratching his leg, despite the fact that human beings do not normally orgasm from just scratching their leg.

Then, Keemstar made a DramaAlert video mentioning the incident. DramaAlert viewers came to Phil's channel, looking through all Phil's pre-stream videos to see if he had uploaded the incident. The spike in views Phil got from this incident, due to DramaAlert or otherwise, led him to seemingly embrace what had happened, retweeting some of the images and even making one of them his Twitter banner. However, since his ego was still too fragile to handle being made fun of, he or one of his asspatters got Machinima to take down the original video with the pre-stream footage.

Because of the spike in views he got, and his understated reaction to realizing the camera was on the entire time, some believe that Phil faked this entire thing to get attention and save his flagging "business". However, Phil continues to be a horrible actor, and if he masturbated on stream on purpose, it only shows how pathetic and desperate for views he is now.

Either way, fake or not, Phil comes out of this looking like an idiot.

The King of Narcissism

What truly makes Phil a lolcow however are his ego and his delusion. He truly believes that he is the inventor of let's playing and is above constructive criticism. This is blatantly false since the "Let's Play" term was actually coined by Slowbeef of the Something Awful forums.

Phil actually believes that his video game playthroughs are works of art. Offering any sort of constructive criticism whatsoever will cause Phil to accuse you of being a hater and/or troll and block you. Try to offer constructive criticism on his own forums? He will immediately lock the thread. As far as Phil is concerned, his word is the only correct one and that everyone else is wrong.

Phil always makes promises to change and he has done so for the last two and a half years, but has done nothing at all to deliver on those promises. Phil expects PewDiePie-level views for absolutely no effort whatsoever on his part. Phil will actually go out of his way to call out his own subscribers on stream if one of his playthroughs underperforms. He will try to guilt trip them into watching his videos, like they have an obligation to do so and will disappoint him if they don't.

He has a twisted sense of morality, constantly condemning other Youtubers behavior, calling them fake and money-hungry, and then, when he will inevitably do the same thing as them to make easy money, pull out a really contrived excuse for why it's okay when he does it.

He has called out numerous reviewers and critics for chastising mediocre games that he himself liked such as Duke Nukem Forever, Resident Evil 6, and Murdered: Soul Suspect. Phil calls himself The King of Hate because "he uses the hate he gets to fuel himself" but in truth, Phil has thin skin and cannot realize that his own personality is why he receives the hate to begin with.

Phil is the textbook definition of a narcissist, and this quality is one of the most entertaining aspects of his Lolcow persona. A lot of people, haters and fans alike, watch purely to see him fail and to witness his own self-destruction. A trainwreck, plain and simple.

Machinima Strikes Back

March 2018. Tension is at an all-time high in the Burnell household. Views have never been lower, Phil is churning out E-Begging vlogs daily and fans are getting tired of him complaining about money. Phil, of course, starts blaming YouTube and Machinima, saying, in his own delusions, that he's getting paid less even if his views and engagement is up. After one last E-begging session, Phil starts threatening Machinima live on pre-stream. Weens jumped in, emailing Machinima immediately. And so, Phil's Machinima contract is no more. After being fired by Machinima, he quickly found a replacement partnership, but it's safe to say, that his salary is now a shell of its former self. Meanwhile, Pandalee bitching and whining gets worse and worse. The threat of her leaving grows ever closer. It's now not a matter of if, but a matter of when.

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